Overcoming Doubt: Embracing My Calling to Tell Their Story
This is not easy. It never was going to be. Every road block we face is another reminder of why we want to keep going and why it matters to us. It's easy to let the imposter syndrome take over . All my insecurities and doubts suddenly become the reason for all the road blocks were facing.
I am paralysed with shame and guilt. The word 'failure' echoes in my mind. The heaviness isn't just the weight of my own failure, but this self inflicted burden that I have chosen to carry.
"I have failed everyone"
My co-producer, my family, my partner, my friends and anyone else who for the last two years held space for me go on and on about the importance of this story.
But the biggest burden I carry right now is admitting that I want to give up. The severe guilt and shame I carry just for feeling this way. The thought of brings up more shame because it reminds me that I am not just giving up on myself, my co-producer and most importantly, the women of this very story. I would be giving up on all women - past, present and future.
"How dramatic..." you might think, but your judgement is exactly why I make a damn fine storyteller. I care TOO deeply. Its a double edge sword. A weapon I one day might master before it becomes the master of me.
As I write this, I have come to the conclusion that my actions in the lead up to this major roadblock are not to blame. However my actions moving forward will be responsible as to whether or not we get to tell this story.
SO with that in mind. Its time to get out my own bloody way- to get out of everyone elses way too!
I heard the call, I've answered, so I am going to face the fear and do what needs to be done. This story is bigger than my frail ego.
These women are worth fighting for.